Stress and prostate cancer:
men and women may react differently

One of the barriers to a happy marriage/relationship may be the expectation that men should react to stress the same way as women. Unfortunately, both science and personal experience tell us this just isn’t so.

A UCLA study, that was first reported on in the year 2000, showed that when stress strikes, women may be more compelled to reach out and nurture others around them (called the “tend-and-befriend” response). Men, on the other hand, may be more likely to isolate, or become confrontational (the traditional “fight-or-flight” response).

The study investigators attributed women’s nurturing behavior to the production of a hormone called oxytocin, which women apparently produce more of during times of stress.

Stress challenges relationships

When you look at the number of shelves devoted to books on “relationships” and “communication” in your local bookstore, it’s apparent that marital/relational discord is a common problem. But when you add severe stress into the equation—such as the stress associated with a diagnosis of prostate cancer—or cancer recurrence—it can really shake things up.

In his book, Why Mars & Venus Collide, John Gray, PhD, makes some interesting observations about how differently men and women cope with stress:

• Men tend to want to forget about a problem and avoid talking about it, while women may want to “attack” the problem head on and feel compelled to talk about it
• Women may be quick to seek help from others, while men may need to exhaust every possibility on their own before they are compelled to ask for help

If Gray’s observations are correct (and you can tell by what goes on in your own home), then men and women may act completely opposite to each other in times of stress.

Gray goes on to suggest that sometimes the best way to support your loved one is to leave him alone. That may work well for your man—but what about your needs, especially since women seem to cope with their stress by talking about it?

A great place to turn to for your support is the support groups and online forums that are available for wives and partners of men with prostate cancer.

Taylor SE, Klein LC, Lewis BP, et al. Biobehavioral responses to stress in females: tend-and-befriend, not fight-or-flight. Psychological Review. 2000;107(3):411-429.