Prostate cancer wives and partners deserve a "Bill of Rights"

Before he passed away from prostate cancer in January of 2008, advocate Harry Pinchot gave a beautiful speech (which you can read at yananow.net) about how men need to acknowledge all that their wives and partners do for them.

Harry talked about how men with prostate cancer expect their wives and partners to always be there for them in their time of need, care for them, listen to them, cope with their mood swings, fix the special foods they need to eat, bear their fears and anxieties, and be their constant cheerleaders.

He urged men to remember that wives and partners have their own fears and anxieties (we know from studies that wives and partners experience as much stress as their loved ones). He also urged them not to dismiss wives/partners’ concerns because they are just as great.

That got us thinking that there should be a "Bill of Rights" for wives and partners. There is no life instruction book that comes with a loved one's diagnosis. As wives and partners, we often “wing it” as we go, taking the ups and downs of the disease in stride.

Here is a declaration that we’ve put together, and we’d love to get your feedback on it.

Bill of rights for wives and partners

• Cry as often as you need to but look for humor everyday.
• Worry all you want but know that it won’t change a thing.
• You can be a tower of strength and still fall apart.
• You don’t always have to know the right thing to say.
• Accept that you will never be the perfect wife/partner.
• Forgive yourself for making mistakes.
• On days when you have nothing to give, know that it will be enough.
• Take care of yourself and don’t feel guilty about it.
• Give yourself permission to forget about prostate cancer for a day.
• Hate the disease but always love the man.
• Grieve what you’ve lost and celebrate what you’ve got left.
• Let go of the illusion that you can handle this alone.
• When the burden is too heavy, give it to God.